A silly idea for a writing exercise: write a scene from a fanfic that you absolutely want to be real, in about 100 words.
A man like Squarepants soaked up all sorts of useful information. Unfortunately for him, I was here to wring some truths out of him.
“NO, PLEASE DETECTIVE!” He sobbed as I put my gumshoe through his door. “I’m not in that game anymore!! Not since I lost my partner!”
Ah, yes, dear Patrick. Star of his squad. And now? Sleeping with the fishes. But if Squarepants wouldn’t dish the dirt that was festering in Bikini Bottom, justice would be facing the mightiest rash she had ever seen. I needed Krabs in Bikini Bottom, and to get Krabs… I had to get dirty.
Did you know that taller people are more likely to earn more money in work?
It’s all in the mentality. People see someone who is, well, more, and think that they are capable of more. We think tall people have it better.
Tall people are lying to you. They want you to think that their extra height grants them a view to some beautiful new dimension of unreachable shelves. You think you’re happy because you’re big? Here’s the many small everyday reminders of why being tall sucks.
1. Can’t fit in the Bath
What kind of sweaty little hobbit designed bathtubs!? If you sit upright you can just about warm your legs, but slide down onto your back and you look like a gazelle stuck in a puddle. You end up doing this weird slip-slide to get as much of your body submerged as you can because there’s just too much body. And don’t even get me started on low shower heads.
2. You will never get a piggyback again
Always the buckling steed, never the knight.