A Quick Laugh: Fancy Wine Description

Photo credit: Josh Kenzer / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

Have yourself a little giggle. Thanks to the ever-awesome and wonderful Gem for this strange insight into the Willy Wonka-esque world of the fanciest wines; these are the Tasting Notes for a particular grape-juice that sells for upward of £400 a bottle.


Impenetrable dark core.



Somewhat intimidating? Yes. Brazen? Never.


An immediate and powerful lift of cola/soy/hoisin/red licorice, propelled by tea-smoke and ferric influences. Less obvious nut-husk/tan-bark notes align with lush aromas of ripe (jamon-wrapped) figs and a panaforte plushness. With air, blueberry fruits and mocha arise, the oak (100% new!) remaining concealed – too much aromatic background chatter to register!



A muscular push/wave/affront across the entire palate – from start to finish. Never oppressive nor ungainly, yet captivatingly forceful.


i.e. a vinous lava flow of dark licorice and malt – ‘molten’, with a self-saucing chocolate pudding richness and blackberry, elderberry fruits.

Pronounced tannins are unleashed, and the Clare component makes its (9%) presence felt, adding to both flavour pool and extract. Power and density naturally respectful of balance and structure.

I spent three years studying English Literature and Creative Writing, so while I can completely respect the ability to devote yourself to such cultural appreciation, you’ve got to admit, sometimes it’s all a bit pretentious. And funny as heck too. If you can’t laugh about something you love, you can’t laugh about anything.

So believe me, I have no feelings either way about the appreciation of wine and those who sip it so daintily, but I do find the descriptions of said wines often hilarious.

Writing is a beautiful thing, but I think, sometimes, wine is just wine.


(Front page pic Photo credit: def110 / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA)

One thought on “A Quick Laugh: Fancy Wine Description

  1. Gem says:

    “Look at the colours….aaaaall the colours….well, yellow.”
    “It’s like, looking into the eye…of a duck. And…sucking all the fluid from its beak.”

    Lmao, Danny, this is a valid point you make. One I think to myself at least twice a day, when I have to actually RECITE a lot of this. I dunno about anyone else, but I can taste…grapes. Fermented grapes, even.

    Can you write one of these about a cheese sandwich or something?? I’d read that.

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